Thursday, February 13, 2020

What it says... (politically incorrect, I'm sure)



I translate this as ...

Owners of dogs:  Dogs are best.
Owners of cats:  Cats are best.

Chinese:  Food is food!

Sunday, January 5, 2020

Fwd: Going to lose my driver's license...!!!

From: al <algrotz


I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license... and all just because
of a stupid police officer...The conversation went like this, when I
got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on
a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"

Me: "A car."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"So, you're drunk."

Me:"But I didn't drink anything."

Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a
highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me:"A motorcycle."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a
highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini
skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top.
What is this?"

Officer:"A prostitute of course."

Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...








Sunday, September 1, 2019

How Dave Chappelle Dodges Laser Beams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09e-Sewe00Q

I have only seen one Dave Chappelle show, which I watched on Netflix a couple of days ago, and it was funny.

I think that Dave Chappelle's secret is that he is the coolest guy in the room.

However, somehow Ron White makes me laugh more.  I'm not even sure why.  I was disappointed at how crude Ron White's last two comedy specials were, more so that his earlier material, but I could not stop laughing.

Friday, May 31, 2019

Dragons

This says 1. I killed a dragon.  2. I created a dragon.  3. I trained a dragon.




Friday, May 17, 2019

Re: Fw: This will make you smile

Good one.

On Mon, May 13, 2019 at 10:51 PM al <algrotz> wrote:

 The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.

"Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

 The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

 "None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But, there's a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal. Then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."   Everyone agreed it was a good idea and the call was made.

 Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

 "Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

 "Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous."

 "There's bad news?" asked the Pope.

 "Yes, I lost by three strokes to Rabbi Tiger Woods."