Saturday, June 24, 2017

Fwd: Fw: Marital Misunderstanding................ An oldie

How men and women record things in their diaries.

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted,
and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:

A two-foot putt .... who the hell misses a two-foot putt ?

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Fwd: un-"herd" of

'within four days, the entire herd — 60,000 saiga — had died...

Now, the researchers have found clues as to how more than half of the country's herd, counted at 257,000 as of 2014, died so rapidly. Bacteria clearly played a role in the saigas' demise. But exactly how these normally harmless microbes could take such a toll is still a mystery, Zuther said.

"The extent of this die-off, and the speed it had, by spreading throughout the whole calving herd and killing all the animals, this has not been observed for any other species," Zuther said. "It's really unheard of."'

http://news.discovery.com/animals/what-killed-60000-antelope-in-4-days-150904.htm


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Fwd: Russia

A Russian guard asked a political prisoner, "What is your sentence?" 

 
"Ten years." 
 
"What for?" 
 
"For nothing." 
 
"What a lie! For nothing they give only five years."...more

See More


 

A woman walks into a Russian food store. "Do you have any meat?" 
 
"No, we don't." 
 
"What about milk?" 
 
"We only deal with meat. Across the street there is that store where they have no milk."...more

 

 

 

A man walks into a Russian green grocer and inquires about the price of beets. When told that they cost 2 rubles, the shopper yells "you're a thief. Across the street they sell beets for 1/2 a ruble. 
 
The grocer tells the man that he can't match the price and tells the man to go across the street to shop. 
 
The man replies, "are you crazy? He hasn't had beets in months."


 

Have you heard about the new Obama diet? 
 
You let Putin eat your lunch everyday. 

 


Fwd: Coming this April

 
 
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."
- Robert Ingersoll
 
 

Saturday, July 25, 2015

What's this Dog Worth?


   DOG FOR SALE :

              
A guy is driving around the back woods of
 Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. 


The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.
 
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
                

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... 

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.                  


'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a Bullshitter. He's never been out of the yard'
 -P