Elderly Couple

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.   When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly  left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.   By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to  retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.  The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.  As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.

Gomer, Cooter & Stanley

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly . The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunt camp. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,  Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't  Stanley' The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up . Roll him over..' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't  Stanley'   The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Gomer said, 'Well,  Stanley had two assholes.' 'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician. 'Yup, we never seen'em, but everybody used to say : 'There's  Stanley with them two assholes.'