Friday, September 17, 2021

Joke

What is the internal temperature of a tauntaun?  I'm sure I have mentioned it before?


Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Married with Children Quotes

Kelly:
Bud, I'm gonna kill you and then I'm gonna bury you alive.



Al:

I hate those complaint boxes they put in at the mall. A woman comes in the shoe store today, so huge she's protected by 'Green Peace', and ask for a size-4 shoe. So I asked her if she wants to eat them there or take them home, and she has the nerve to complain about my performance.

Peggy:
Honey, I complain about youre performance all the time... you don't care. Sometimes you don't even wake up.

Al:

Well unlike sex with you Peg, this is important to me.

Friday, August 6, 2021

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

I sent a similar email in May 2020, but it still makes me laugh.



Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Friday, May 14, 2021

Garfield by Jim Davis for May 13, 2021 - GoComics

It's a good Calvin & Hobbes fan strip. It's real good! : TwilightZone

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwilightZone/comments/eju7rc/its_a_good_calvin_hobbes_fan_strip_its_real_good/

In case you didn't know, this is a take-off on...


It is a 1961 Twilight Zone episode about a small child with god-like powers who terrorizes a small town.

I read the original science fiction short story before I saw the Twilight Zone episode that was adapted from it.  When they remade the TV Twilight Zone Series in the early 2000s, they did a sequel to the original episode 40 years later.  Bill Mummy reprised his role as the "monster" with god-like powers, and Cloris Leachman reprised her role as his mother.  I thought that this was a brilliant idea.


Ironically, another 20 years have passed.  There is yet another new Twilight Zone series on CBS All Access.  It is time for another sequel.  It could set a record for having a 60-year story arc.  Bill Mummy is still alive, although Cloris Leachman died in January from a combination of stroke and COVID.  She played in "The Croods" animated movie that I liked and the very recently released "The Croods 2: A New Age."

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Humor

Begin forwarded message:

From: beesley

The best humor is based on some truth 😊

 

Thursday, March 25, 2021

From Facebook



"Mommy ha ha ha, you'll never guess where I am.

Son, I can't talk right now, call me later.

I can't, I only have the right to one phone call."

Although I recognize most of the words, I have difficulty with the whole translation.  I have to use an online translator.





Saturday, February 27, 2021

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Douglas Adams: Parrots the Universe and Everything

The extraordinary thing about this terribly funny speech is that it was given at the University of California in May 2001, and Douglas Adams died May 11th, 2001 of a heart attack.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZG8HBuDjgc&feature=emb_logo