Friday, May 31, 2013

Fwd: Measuring For Retirement Bonus...

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch
measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body…
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip
of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip
of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where
he would like to be measured replied…
'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing
the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which
he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!",  he suddenly exclaimed,
''Where are your testicles?''

The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Fwd: Father Sarducci on the afterlife

 Listen to Guido... he may be right!



Father Guido Sarducci on the afterlife

If you are Catholic, you will laugh out loud.
If not Catholic, you could laugh even louder!

And if you were educated by Nuns, you'll really laugh the loudest!