Monday, September 27, 2010

And today's story

And today's story




The blonde was broke and desparate.

She knocked on the door of a doctor's house and said she needed money and would be willing to work for it.

The doctor asked if she would be willing to paint his porch. He would give her $50 to do it.

The blonde said that would be fine.


The doctor's wife said the blonde must be really dumb to do such a big job for only $50.

"Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" the wife asked.

"I guess so," the doctor told his wife.


A few minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door.

"All done," she said, "and by the way, it's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Commander Data, don't quit your day job

Strange Worldly Practices and Proof that the world is nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. . He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than going blind!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for their first time.
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England- but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~ *

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room
to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'

(Is this a great country or what?
Well, not as great as Guam !)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ?)
(Did our government pay for this research?

*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

And the best for last…..

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!) 
Thank you all for reading this.
If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Fwd: pleasant and peaceful

Begin forwarded message:

From: larry.r.trout
Date: September 14, 2010 3:15:03 PM MDT
Subject: pleasant and peaceful

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

Isaac Asimov