Fwd: Irish Birth Control

 Mrs. Donovan was walking down  O'Connell Street in Dublin when  she

met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan And
didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there Any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm  going to Rome next week And I'll
light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'  They then parted ways..

Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in
all!'

The Father said, 'That's wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'

--

George Carlin - Self Esteem Movement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALf2HZsGtGQ

George Carlin On Drugs And Marijuana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=oj5Sd3BRm_I&NR=1

George Carlin - Low Tolerance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsT0S0575HU

Lewis Black on iPhone - Android

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36fyPyElrnw

Lewis Black on Religion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcJvkAdydnQ

Lewis Black on homosexuality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=3ANrvQC4wIk&feature=endscreen

Obama and the Replicans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4Oc8DMD6bY

Fwd: Measuring For Retirement Bonus...

 

RETIREMENT BONUS

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch
measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body…
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip
of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip
of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where
he would like to be measured replied…
 
'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing
the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which
he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!",  he suddenly exclaimed, 
''Where are your testicles?''

The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.

 

Obamacare

THINGS YOU DON'T SEE VERY OFTEN !!

Fwd: Perfectly Said - Men and Boobs

Fwd: Father Sarducci on the afterlife

 Listen to Guido... he may be right!

 

Father Guido Sarducci on the afterlife If you are Catholic, you will laugh out loud. If not Catholic, you could laugh even louder! And if you were educated by Nuns, you'll really laugh the loudest!  click here >>>  http://www.youtube.com/embed/0AKvRvL5r3A?rel=0

 

Evolution, Theory of

KISS

French Fries

iPhone in 1000 years. Futurama parody.

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://youtu.be/iouxiyB4qgw

Stop Global Warming

Lewis Black - Black on Broadway (Full Version)

Give this guy 15 minutes...

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://youtu.be/BUBEuGa1_HA

Fwd: Great idea!

 

 

 

 

FW: This years AIR SHOW

 

FW: MURPHY'S 15 OTHER LAWS

MURPHY'S 15 OTHER LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

---

Fwd: Marriage at an Elderly Age

 

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.

Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'

Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '

Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'

Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'

Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'

Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'

Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'

Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'

Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'

Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

 

 

The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink, and somebody to love you.

Bob...The Hamster. This is funny.

 

---

I think whoever wrote this script has been to Thailand.

It's great!

The punchline comes after the credits start.

You will have to hit the play button.

 

Al

 

Click below to  start   Bob ~ The  Hamster   Don't forget your  sound

Oh, I wish

Cat

Dog logic

60 Cantaloupes

Fwd: The Day

Begin forwarded message:

From: Al

The day that Albert Einstein feared has finally arrived! Having coffee with friends. A day at the beach. Cheering on your team. Having dinner out with your friends. Out on an intimate date. Having a conversation with your BFF A visit to the museum Enjoying the sights     That day has sadly arrived.

Admit it.   If you don't have an iPhone, you want one. 

Actually, that seems funny to me

http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2013/01/11/seth-macfarlane-addresses-hitler-joke/1827509/