Microsoft Office

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will hunt you down

​.​

You have my Word

​.​

When Monday hits you out of nowhere

Fwd: We can be misinterpreted!

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him for his last wishes.

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record.

When all is ready he begins to speak.

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says:

"Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.

The wife replies,    "The man had a paper route."

Different types of phone call duration

I've posted this before, but it has to be one the greatest comics ever.

Simpsons fast come back.

On January 27, 1992, then-President George H. W. Bush said, "We are going to keep on trying to strengthen the American family, to make American families a lot more like the Waltons and a lot less like the Simpsons."

​ ​

The writers rushed out a tongue-in-cheek reply in the form of a short segment which aired three days later before a rerun of "Stark Raving Dad" in which Bart replied, "Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the Depression, too."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Simpsons#Controversy

The Queen

--

Best wishes,

John Coffey

http://www.entertainmentjourney.com

If ...

Funny advert for World of Tanks

Play by the rules

http://www.gocomics.com/garfield/2018/04/13?ct=v&cti=1810716

Pearls Before Swine

http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2018/04/11?ct=v&cti=1810716

The most complicated word in English language

Jerry Seinfeld - All Awards Are Stupid

Getting Old.

Saw this on Facebook. The guy's reaction is priceless.

How I feel about marriage

Calvin and Hobbes

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2018/01/15?ct=v&cti=1810716

Pearls Before Swine

http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine?ct=v&cti=1810716

Coffee

4 Obnoxious Old People Behaviors (Explained By Science)

Fwd: Fw: Marital Misunderstanding................ An oldie

How men and women record things in their diaries.

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted,
and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:

A two-foot putt .... who the hell misses a two-foot putt ?

Canadian Man Defies Weather to-Mow-Lawn.

I would be dollars to donuts that this man had a wife telling him to mow the lawn.

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2017/06/05/canadian-man-defies-weather-to-mow-lawn-create-viral-moment.html

Did you see this one?

Tim Hawkins- Old Rock Star Songs

Wisdom

Bacon

530: I'm An Idiot - explain xkcd

Laughed myself silly over this one.
http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/530

Shaun the Sheep Joke

https://twitter.com/shaunthesheep/status/645305193127653376/photo/1

Fwd: Mug Shots These are good

 Mug Shots ...   
 

 

Fwd: un-"herd" of

'within four days, the entire herd — 60,000 saiga — had died...

Now, the researchers have found clues as to how more than half of the country's herd, counted at 257,000 as of 2014, died so rapidly. Bacteria clearly played a role in the saigas' demise. But exactly how these normally harmless microbes could take such a toll is still a mystery, Zuther said.

"The extent of this die-off, and the speed it had, by spreading throughout the whole calving herd and killing all the animals, this has not been observed for any other species," Zuther said. "It's really unheard of."'

http://news.discovery.com/animals/what-killed-60000-antelope-in-4-days-150904.htm